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www.newsindiatimes.com – that’s all you need to know News India Times (November 8, 2025 - November 14, 2025) November 14, 2025 12 Lifestyle Ask Sahaj: I Was Ghosted By A Lifelong Friend. How Do I Move On? How Dry Cleaning Might Raise The Risk Of Cancer, And What To Do About It D ear Sahaj: I have just experienced a “ghosting” experience with a dear friend - a friend with whom I shared the deepest emotions, yearly holiday traditions, weekly phone calls. She and her husband have been there for me at every twist and turn of life. We are both psychotherapists. She and her husband often make unsolicited comments. I have accepted that as a part of who they are amid all the other lovely things. My husband does not like that and finds it judgmental. In December, we were all out to dinner. At one point, her husband said to mine, “It is too bad that your hand- some son is married to such an unattractive woman.” My husband said that this was an obnoxious comment, and he felt we all kind of agreed with it. I apologized to my husband. My friend said I had thrown her under the bus, and has not been willing to see or talk to me since. She did say that she hates my husband and never wants to see him again. They have clashed over these things before. I have shared with them the troubles I used to have with my husband, though we have resolved our differences. But my siding with him obviously triggered something in her. I have sent loving emails to them and practically begged her to tell me what she thinks was so horrible. She knows that I am a trauma survivor with lifelong abandon- ment vulnerabilities. She knows that this hurts me at a core level. For months, I have been grieving, having obsessive conversations with them in my head, difficulty sleeping, depression. I’ve had to take medication, which is finally helping. I have stopped trying to contact her. This has felt delib- erately cruel. I have never, in 50 years, seen this cruel side of my friend. - Hurt friend A: It can be unsettling to find out the people we love and have been loved by are no longer the people we thought they were. Ghosting can erode self-esteem and increase feel- ings of self-doubt. It makes sense that your feelings of abandonment have been triggered, and that you may be resorting to learned behavior of self-blaming. I applaud you for seeking professional support to help you through this; it will be essential as you navigate the impact this has caused. Although you feel blindsided, I wonder if the ghosting has been predated by other painful and hurtful behavior. It’s apparent that your husband and your friend don’t get along, and while you’ve tried to separate these two important relationships, it has caused you to live a bifur- cated existence. I would challenge you to really confront the reality of your friendship over the years. How much of the relation- ship has required you to make excuses, compromises or adjustments? In what ways has she shown some of her truer colors that you chose to ignore? Friendships naturally evolve, but by taking a more objective view of your friendship, you may be able to combat the tendency to internalize that this is your fault. I also sense shame in your question. You mention “practically begging” her in hopes she will allow you to take responsibility and mend the relationship, and you make it a point to share that you are a psychotherapist. You are human, and this is an incredibly painful ex- perience you are navigating. From one mental health professional to another, I wonder: What would you say to a client or a loved one navigating this? I hope this will give you permission to give yourself the same compassion you would likely give someone else. Of course, given the history you have with this friend, this is painful. You’ve lived life longer with her in it than you know how to live a life without her in it, and grief is inevitable. However, you can start to create a life around the grief that makes it less paralyzing. What does it look like for you to take care of yourself on a foundational level? How can you make new friends or invest in other relationships that feel mutually supportive? When someone ghosts another person, it’s usually an indication that they have an inability to tolerate difficult emotions or conversations, so they avoid the relationship altogether. It sounds like you have tried to fight for this friendship, but it won’t change the fact that this is a two- way street. We just can’t force people to interact with us. There will come a point where you will have to create closure for yourself, and when you do, I hope you will find ways to honor who you are: both because of this friendship, and also who you can - and want - to be without it.. Sahaj Kaur Kohli is a thera- pist and the creator of Brown Girl Therapy. -TheWashington Post able human carcinogen, and it has been linked to bladder cancer, multiple myeloma and non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Last year, the EPA announced a new rule banning PCE for most uses and giving dry cleaners a 10-year phaseout period. The Trump administration is reconsidering this decision, according to an EPA spokesperson. But a recent study found that exposure to PCE tripled the risk of liver fibrosis, excessive scarring that can lead to liver disease and liver cancer. Researchers found that repeated exposure to PCE, which is detectable in an estimated 7 percent of the U.S. population, increased the likelihood of liver damage. “If you’ve been exposed to PCE, talk to your doctor about it,” said Brian P. Lee, associate professor of medi- cine at the University of Southern California and the study’s lead author. The study found that higher-income households faced the most risk from PCE exposure because they are more likely to use dry cleaning. People who work in cleaning facilities or live nearby also face an elevated risk due to prolonged exposure. Once the chemical gets into a build- ing or the ground, it’s very difficult to remove. The EPA estimates that roughly 6,000 dry cleaners, mostly small businesses, still use PCE in the United States. Lee said the study adds to the growing list of harms associated with the chemical. Studies have also shown that PCE can linger on cloth- ing after dry cleaning and that it builds up over time after repeated cleanings and can contaminate indoor air as it vaporizes. “We now have decades of studies confirming that these widespread dry cleaning chemicals are exposing people to unacceptable risks of cancer and other serious diseases,” said Jonathan Kalmuss-Katz, a senior attorney at the advocacy group Earthjustice. “Those harms are entirely avoidable.” Jon Meijer, director of membership at the Drycleaning & Laundry Institute International, a trade association, said the group supports the original rule passed under the Biden administration and explained that those who still use the chemical do so because of financial chal- lenges. “It’s time for a phaseout of perchloroethylene,” Meijer said. “There are so many alternatives out there.” SAFER ALTERNATIVES Experts say there are plenty of alternatives to using harmful dry cleaning chemicals, but some are safer than others. Here’s what you can do: -Go dry-clean free: Try purchasing clothes that don’t need to be dry-cleaned. Selecting cotton blazers and other professional attire, for example, can reduce dry cleaning visits, said Tasha Stoiber, a senior scientist at the Environmental Working Group, an advocacy group. “The easiest thing is to look for professional staples that don’t need to be dry-cleaned,” Stoiber said. -Hand-washing: Some “dry-clean only” garments can be delicately handwashed in cold water with a gentle detergent specific to the particular fabric you’re using. Hanging delicate clothes to dry after a wash can avoid damage from heated air dryers. -Steaming: Steam cleaning can freshen up clothes by removing odors, bacteria and small stains without need- ing a full wash. -Commercial wet cleaning: Commercial wet cleaning relies on biodegradable detergents and water instead of toxic solvents. -Liquid carbon dioxide: Experts suggest selecting dry cleaners that use liquid carbon dioxide as a solvent to remove dirt and avoid toxic chemicals. WATCH OUT FOR GREENWASHING Some businesses advertise eco-friendly or “green” alternatives to dry cleaning. But experts warn that new chemicals can have their own downsides. Diana Ceballos, an assistant professor in the University ofWashington’s Department of Environmental and Occu- pational Health Sciences, said that dry cleaning technol- ogy has improved dramatically and that new solvents and machinery can be more effective than PCE. Still, Cebellos said that there can be a lot of “regrettable substitution” when it comes to alternatives to PCE and that some that are billed as “safe” or “organic” could also be toxic. “Most options are far better,” Cebellos said. “But there’s a lot of greenwashing” out there, so people should ask questions and do “a little bit of research.” -TheWashington Post By Sahaj Kaur Kohli PHOTO:@sahajkaurkohli.com - Continued From Page 10